At first glance, the Wheelers appear to be the perfect All American family. The father, Ted, appears to be the perfect father. He has a good job that has allowed him to provide for his family and buy a nice house. Nancy, at one point says that her mother married her father because he had money and came from a "good" family.
Karen *appears* to be the perfect wife and mother. Her appearance is always immaculate: She dresses nice and her hair and makeup is always perfect for the 1980s mother. She always makes the perfect meals for her family. Baby Holly is adorable and Mike and Nancy are good students. People looking at the Wheelers would call them a "good" family. Carol even refers to Nancy as "Miss Perfect."
Contrast that to the Byers family, who at first glance, would likely be looked at as the wrong type of family. Joyce is a single mother with an ex- husband who doesn't pay child support or put in any kind of effort into having a relationship with his children (though he certainly likes to put on a show of being a caring father.) Joyce's physical appearance is often disheveled and she works long hours. Her Christmas Eve dinner that she cooks doesn't exactly turn out perfect. She even has a reputation for being a little crazy as evidence by the way the people at the police station and the school secretaries talk about her. Jonathan and Will are both referred to as freaks by their peers at some point.
At first glance (the superficial glance), most people would think that Karen was a far superior mother to Joyce because of her appearance. However, after watching the show and seeing the actuality, most fans seem to agree that Joyce is the better mother (especially after the second season). What ultimately makes Joyce the better mother and the Byers family the happier family (and why shouldn't we be surprised about Karen's cavalier attitude when Nancy and Mike aren't home late Sunday night in the Gate)? Trust, empathy, and the face that they enjoy each other's company.
Karen (in the first season and the first part of the second season) is not a terrible mother. She truly seems to care about the well being of her children She is trying to connect with Mike and Nancy, but mostly fails. She comforts Mike after he see's Will's fake body pulled from the quarry and after he witnesses Eleven's apparent death. She comforts Nancy when Nancy realizes that something happened to Barb. As often as she tells her children that they can talk to her, they never really do. Why? Well it's the little things. Those little things may even foreshadow her behavior in the last part of the second season.
Two seemingly insignificant moments stick out in her interactions with Mike. The first is when she rolls her eyes when Mike says that finishing the campaign the next weekend would ruin the flow. She was right that it was a school night and it was getting late. She can't be entirely faulted for feeling the way she did about the situation. The thing is, the campaigns were something that Mike really enjoyed. He took them seriously. As adults, we often look back on things we took seriously as children and laugh at ourselves for taking those things so seriously or even shrug at things we once took seriously, but we took them seriously all the same. If we no longer take those things seriously, we do so because we came to those feelings on our own, not because our parents rolled their eyes at us.
Even as adults, we we have hobbies that we enjoy and if friends call those things stupid, we don't talk about those things with those friends. We may even hide that particular aspect of ourselves from those friends and it creates a barrier. By the way, how was Karen not aware that Mike and his friends had been on their D&D for ten hours? And why did she just send Will home in the dark when he had so far to ride his bike? She didn't call the Byers home to see if someone was there or offer him a ride home? (other than the fact that it would have completely changed the story).
Another moment that comes to mind is when Karen tells Mike that he has to pick out toys for the garage sale. She wasn't wrong in the notion that there were consequences to Mike's actions, but it's another example of her showing that she thinks the things Mike finds important are stupid. Mike says that his toys have emotional value and Karen simply scoffs at that idea. It's possible that those toys do have emotional value to Mike. They may have been gifts from his friends or connected to special memories. Those small moments plant seeds in Mike's head that his mother doesn't care about the things that are important to him. Those kinds of interactions could be why he doesn't feel like he can talk to her. She doesn't show him empathy, so he doesn't show her trust. It is likely why he feels like he's the only person in the Wheeler family who cares about the fact that Will is missing.
She wasn't wrong for being upset with Nancy after finding out that Nancy had lied about going to Steve's party (claiming she was going to the assembly to support the Byers family); but the fact that she was more concerned about what Nancy had done with Steve than she was about Barb's disappearance. That is likely why Nancy felt like her mother wasn't listening.
Contrast this to Joyce and her interactions with Will, Jonathan and Eleven (yes Eleven--it's almost certain that Jopper will happen). Joyce shows a lot of empathy toward her children and they trust her. Yes, they do keep secrets from her from time to time, but it isn't due to lack of trust. Jonathan doesn't tell her he's working with Nancy to kill the demogorgan because he thinks she's been through enough. Will doesn't always tell her about his episodes because (based on his conversation with Bob and him taking Bob's advise as well as his reaction when he sees the etching she made of the shadow monster) he's desperately hoping that it is all in his head.
Joyce only interacts with Eleven for a few hours in the first season, but makes a meaningful connection. She expresses a lot of gratitude for Eleven going into the void to find Will in the Upside Down. Joyce acknowledges that it could be a frightening experience for Eleven and in doing so shows empathy. She comforts Eleven when she's scared. It's no wonder Eleven walked right over to Joyce and hugged her after she saved the group from the Mind Flayer's army.
Joyce encourages Jonathan's photography and praises his work. She is aware that Jonathan has wanted to go to NYU since he was six years old. She encourages Will's drawing (like taking the picture of his rainbow ship to work and showing it off). There's the flashback of Will drawing a picture of his D&D character and Joyce asks him questions and takes a genuine interest in the answers. There's another flashback of Joyce taking off work early to surprise Will with movie tickets. There's even some affectionate joking and teasing in that scene. In the final scene of the first season, she listens as Will talks about the campaign and doesn't roll her eyes or scoff like Karen did with Mike. Joyce doesn't merely encourage the interests of her sons, those interests are things that she loves about Will and Jonathan.
Speaking of the last scene of the first season, the three members of the Byers family are enjoying each other's company. We don't ever really see the Wheeler family enjoying each other's company. Sure there's the dark cloud hanging over the family with Will having an early episode of his psychic connection to the Upside Down and coughing up a baby Demogorgan, but he is still enjoying the company of his mother and brother. The scene at the Wheeler House on Christmas Eve really contrasts with the Byers. The Wheelers are all in separate rooms. Ted may been in the same room as Nancy and Steve, but he's asleep.
There are a few scenes where the Wheelers have dinner together, but they are usually arguing about something or eating quietly. The same goes for breakfast. Karen wasn't wrong in wanting to keep her children inside after dark. It was common sense, but the way she said "end of discussion" when Mike was upset about his missing friend probably made it less convincing for Mike when she said she wanted him to feel like he could talk to her the next day. The actual wording "I want you to feel liked you can talk to me" seems like it's all about appearance rather than actuality.
There is actually imagery in the show that illustrates how Karen concerns about the *appearance* of a happy family while Joyce is concerned that her children are actually happy: the family photographs. There is a mantel in the Wheeler living room filled with formal, professionally taken studio pictures. They are staged and posed to give the appearance of the perfect family. Mike and Nancy both have pictures with friends in their rooms where they look a lot happier.
Joyce doesn't have a mantel filled with expensive studio portraits, she just has a box filled with pictures of her and her sons. The pictures are connected to happy memories for Joyce and her sons. They're all genuinely happy in their pictures where Mike and Nancy *appear* to be happy in the studio family portraits.
The are two moments in season two when the party members are being photographed by their parents: Halloween and the Snowball. Dustin and Lucas seem happy when their mothers are taking their pictures, but this essay is comparing the Byers to the Wheelers, so we'll take a look at Mike and Will.
Will is beaming when Jonathan (Joyce like just let him take the pictures because she understood how much he loved photography) takes his picture in his Ghostbusters outfit, despite everything he's gone through with his episodes. Mike, on the other hand is annoyed with his mother's fawning.
Mike's annoyance Halloween morning could have something to do with him not knowing where Eleven is, but he has the same annoyance when Karen is taking his picture before the Snow Ball. Will, on the other hand is learning how to dance with his mother while Jonathan videos a good memory. Will is enjoying his mother's company while Mike clearly isn't enjoying Karen's.
It is likely something more than being a moody teenager that make Mike annoyed with his mother's fawning. It could be that he simply doesn't feel like the fawning is genuine. It's like politicians who tweet about honoring mother's every Mothers Day, but vote against legislation that would make their lives easier or politicians who tweet about honoring the troops and wear yellow ribbons, but vote to cut the pay of active service members or cut medical benefits for veterans.
There are the aforementioned moments of Karen showing that she thinks the things he enjoys are stupid and not worth her time. That attitude likely led to Mike's annoyance with Karen taking his picture more than him being a moody teenager. We see Dustin's mother asking him how the "greatest night of the year" went when he got home from trick-or-treating. Lucas's parents are the only parents that we, as an audience, see enjoying each other's company. Lucas asks his father for advice with his mother in the room, showing that he feels comfortable talking to them and expressing his concerns.
There is the flashback Joyce thinks about while she's at Will's funeral. Will is drawing a picture and Joyce asks him questions about the drawing and encourages his creativity and imagination. She is beaming as she listens to his answers. She shows interest in something her son enjoys. There are also the memories Joyce talks about when Will is tied to the chair in the shed and tapping out some Morse code. She remembers a rainbow ship he drew on his eighth birthday (as well as giving his Tonka truck to a sad little girl). She took that picture to work to so it off because she was "so proud." Moments like that are likely why Will was happy when Joyce and Jonathan were taking pictures Halloween morning and the night of the Snow Ball.
There are no moments like that between Karen and Mike or Karen and Nancy- none that the Duffer Brothers wrote into their scripts at least. We see that she loves her children, but not that she's proud of them. The closest moments that we see of Karen engaging her children (well, just Nancy) when they aren't under a lot of distress as a result of having missing friends come when she says hello to Jonathan as he and Nancy are about to call Barb's mother in order to trick the people at Hawkins lab into giving them a tour; and the next morning when Nancy tells Karen that she's going to have a girl's night with "Stacy" (if there even is a Stacy, I doubt Nancy was talking about the girl who didn't dance with Dustin-and the next day, Karen thought that Nancy was at Alley's house. Was she even really paying attention to Nancy?) In both instances, Nancy is lying to her and she doesn't even notice the change in demeanor (Nancy acts the same way when she claims so going to Barb's to study or going to Will's assembly when she is really planning to meet up with Steve. She likely doesn't notice the change because she hasn't taken the time to really get to know her children as unique individuals.
Contrast that to Joyce. Early in season one, she expresses regret for not really knowing what is going on with Jonathan because he has had to work so much. She is aware early in the second season that Will is lying to her about the drawing of the Shadow Monster.
Mike and Nancy seem to put more trust in Joyce than they do in Karen. At the end of season two, when Karen is completely unconcerned about seeing either Mike or Nancy in almost three days, they are both at the Byers home. By the end of season two, Karen is almost as oblivious to her children as Ted. It has to be at least 10 o'clock at night by the time Billy knocks on the door looking for Max (though it was possibly after midnight). Nancy had told her mother she'd be home for dinner. It was well past dinner time and Karen was sitting in a bubble bath reading a trashy romance novel (nothing wrong with having a guilty pleasure, but women who read those novels are in no position to roll their eyes at their children playing D&D). Same goes for Mike. She likely hadn't heard from him since he went to Will's house Friday afternoon because he was probably too occupied with everything going on to call. At that moment, it seemed like her desire for personal comfort was more of a priority than the whereabouts of her children.
Karen has a comfortable, but not happy life. Her marriage is comfortable, but not happy. She is flirting with a mulleted teenager when she hasn't seen her kids all weekend. Her family is comfortable. Nancy and Mike are both good students, but they aren't happy with their family life. They are closer to their friends, especially the Byers. Their parents aren't terrible people, they are simply oblivious.
Joyce has an uncomfortable (putting it mildly), but happy life. She is divorced. She seems to resent Lonnie for the way he treated their children more than anything else. This is evident when she finds out that Lonnie had come to Will's funeral to make money. She calls him out for never caring about Will and not knowing where Jonathan had wanted to go to college since he was six years old. The reason for Joyce and Lonnie's divorce is never explicitly stated, but him being an uncaring father likely had something to do with it.
Hopper and Bob have become father figures to Will and Jonathan. While dating Bob, Joyce starts having movie nights with her sons and her boyfriend. Bob knows how important Joyce's son's are to her and makes an effort to get to know them. Will even says that Bob at least doesn't treat him like a helpless baby. Hopper has also earned the trust of both Will and Jonathan by the second season, hinting that he has been an active part of their lives.
Joyce got out of her unhappy and unhealthy marriage. Since doing so, she has had healthy relationships. Her relationship with Bob is healthy and happy until Bob gets eaten by a demogorgan. She and Hopper have a healthy friendship, that looks like it Will be a healthy romance in the near future. Karen, on the other hand, has remained in her unhappy marriage because it is comfortable and allows her to project the image of having the perfect family. If she has an affair with Billy, it certainly won't be a healthy relationship.
Mike, Will, Nancy, and Jonathan are all intelligent kids who are most likely college bound. Will and Jonathan will likely regularly call their mother to see how she is doing. They might even visit regularly or invite Joyce to visit them. Karen on the other hand might not hear from her children at all once they leave for school. Joyce will probably be happy with her life, while Karen will wonder what went wrong when they are old and gray.
